Not A Thing
by Livelier
Summary: James's progress with Lily as charted by several hilarious conversations with Alice. James POV. T for language. One shot!


A/N: Because .Forever kindly reminded me that I never published a Christmas one shot, I'm uploading this not so Christmas-y nearly a month later. It was originally entitled "Of Leather Bags and Friendly Prods" but that was much too long, so I switched it to "Not a Thing", which I'm *siriusly* disliking. Other suggestions anyone? Anyway, I hope everyone had a fabulous holiday, and I hope I can redeem myself with this one.

Disclaimer: Oh please, I'm not cool enough to be the creator of characters as sexy as James Potter and as fabulous as Lily Evans… Or Alice. Or Frank.

* * *

><p><span>Not a Thing<span>

I push open the massive double doors leading into the library and stride confidently down the carpeted aisles toward the back corner where I know Lily always studies.

I carelessly kick one chair aside and slide into another one that is opposite Lily. "'Lo, Lily," I say with a wink. "Looking absolutely ravishing today."

She doesn't look up but I notice the veins in her hand seem slightly more prominent as she grips the quill. "Wish I could say the same for you, Potter," she grits out.

I gasp and lean back in my chair. "Ouch." I grin and wait for the usual hateful comment. She's been favoring the traditional "you're an insufferable prat" line lately.

She glares at me from beneath her eyelashes and quickly blows the fringe from her eyes. "You're arrogance is insufferable."

Ah, right on target.

"I'm flattered, Evans. Really. Yesterday my entire being was insufferable."

She grumbles something unintelligible and continues to scratch away at her parchment. My eyes wander to the book bag occupying the seat next to hers.

"Whose bag?" I ask nonchalantly, crossing my arms and leaning the chair back on two legs.

Lily glances quickly at the chair and then back to her assignment. "Oh. Um." She pauses for a moment, chews on her lips, and says in a quiet voice, "Charles McLaggen."

I cough and sit forward suddenly. The back of the chair smacks my back. "I'm sorry?"

"The bag," she clarifies impatiently, "it belongs to Charles McLaggen. The Ravenclaw."

I study the small, leather backpack, and snicker to myself. I lean back in my chair again, at ease.

Lily's eyes flash and she throws her quill down on the table. It bounces once and rolls off the edge of the table. "Is something funny?" she demands.

I shake my head, struggling to contain my grin. "No. No, not at all. I just think that McLaggen has an interesting taste in bags."

Lily's best friend Alice suddenly appears behind Lily's shoulder. "Who has an interesting taste in bags?" she asks, reaching absently for the leather one in question.

Lily reaches out and slaps Alice's hand away. "Alice, why don't you sit over here? Charles is sitting there."

Alice frowns at Lily and gestures to the owner-less bag. "But I ―"

"He'll be back any minute now. He's just gone to get a few books," Lily continues, giving her friend a stern look.

"Right," agrees Alice slowly. "Of course he'll be back. He was here when I left."

An amused smile plays on my lips. "Here, Alice, let me help you with those," I offer, standing up and reaching for the stack of books in Alice's arms. I make sure to shoot Lily a winning smile. See, I can be nice.

"Oh, thank you, James!" she exclaims, smiling hugely at me. Lily scoffs and turns her attention back to her essay. Alice sends me a wink.

"There was this one book I couldn't find," continues Alice, "maybe you could help me?"

"Er…" Helpfulness only goes so far.

Alice grabs my sleeve and tugs me along after her. "Be back in a jiffy, Lil."

She leads me over three aisles and all the way to the front section of the library before she stops and dashes two more aisles over. At last, she reaches up to one of the higher shelves and grabs a book. She shoves it at my chest.

I turn the book over and raise my eyebrows. "_Twelve Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches_?" I ask doubtfully. Alice nods, tapping her foot incessantly. "And you knew exactly where to find this?"

She scowls and snatches the book away from me. "Chapter eleven: asking a girl out. Guess what, Potter? Nowhere in here does it say to spell out 'Hogsmeade' with your peas."

I shrug. "I'm a creative bloke."

"Maybe that's true," she allows, "but you should probably learn how to spell 'Hogsmeade' before you go arranging spherical vegetables on Lily's dinner plate."

My eyes roam the book shelves around me, unable able to meet Alice's. I study the patterned carpet, the leather-bound books, and finally, settle on the wood grain of the surrounding shelves.

"She doesn't hate you, James," Alice says softly. "She just needs a push in the right direction, is all."

O.o.O

I find her in the same place she'd given me that golden book all those months ago. She's got a stack of six books in her arms, and is pushing the seventh into its proper slot on the shelf.

"On a scale of one to ten," I begin, taking half of her stack from her, "how deep is the mound of shit I am in?"

She smiles and slides another book into place. "Ten being?"

"Ten being 'James, you are a colossal ass, and I will be carrying a James Potter voodoo doll around with me from now on'," I answer with a glum expression.

Alice puts the last book back on the shelf and turns to face me. "Let's go with a…nine."

I groan.

"It was at least a twelve right after, but she had a few months to cool off about it over the summer holidays. Still, I'd keep your distance for a while."

I continue to moan and bang my head against the bookcase I'd often studied to enthusiastically last term. "I am such…"

"A colossal ass?" Alice suggests flatly, raising her eyebrows. "You hung her best friend upside down from a tree, James. What did you expect? Don't tell me you thought she'd shove you into the nearest broom closet as reward for your _daring_ display at the lake?"

I ignore that jibe. "I have to apologize," I announce. "Right now. I'll go apologize and everything will work out just fine!"

Alice rolls her eyes and leans against the shelves like she's had a really rough day. "Do you have a death wish?" she asks, and I hear the laughter in her voice. "I know you've never really had a particular proclivity for timing when it comes to Lily, but this takes the cake."

I stare blankly back at her. Proclivity? I look around for the nearest dictionary.

"She'll strangle you," Alice says, reaching around for her bag. She pulls out a spare piece of parchment and an extra quill. "Here, write a note. When you're done, give it to me and _I'll _decide when to hand it over. Keep it short," she advises.

She gives me a pat on the hand, and then leaves me alone to compose my letter.

O.o.O

She was waving that bloody book in my face again.

"Where?" she shrieks, "Where does it say in here to get caught snogging other girls in a place you _know_ she'll look? Where!"

I yank the book out of her hands and toss it aside. "Why does it matter? It didn't mean anything to me."

Alice glares at me. "Bread is full of empty calories but that doesn't mean you won't get fat if you eat it enough."

I stare blankly back at her. "But I like bread."

I'm afraid she's going to rip her hair out of her scalp. She dances around for a minute, hissing a near constant stream of obscenities. Finally she faces me with wild eyes. "You ― Cannot ― Snog ― Other ― Girls!"

"Anything else?" I ask calmly.

"You are a class-A prick, you know that?"

I repeat myself.

"Join Slug Club," she snaps, stuffing a new book into that small, leather bag of hers.

Slug Club? I almost whimper out loud. "You know, I think I'll go with Sirius's plan. Just snog her and get it over with."

Alice smiles tightly. "And that," she says, stalking past me, "is example number 357 of why we never listen to Sirius."

O.o.O

"It's so shiny," coos Alice, staring dazedly at the badge in her hand. "What does this HB stand for? Huge bastard?"

"It means Head Boy, actually," I correct her with a grin.

"Huh. I didn't know they sold these in Zonko's. Do they have fake Head Girl badges too? I ought to get myself one of those."

I snatch it back, and fasten it proudly on the front of my robes, right across from the Gryffindor emblem. "They don't," I snap.

Alice laughs. "Touchy."

"I already sat through Lily's bullshit lecture about my selfish and irresponsible nature, and how it better not affect her work. I'm not exactly in the mood for another."

She grimaces. "Please tell me you were a good boy and didn't engage in a screaming match with her?"

"Nope."

She looks positively shocked. "What did you do?"

"I told her to please shut the hell up," I answer with a shrug.

"Oh Christ."

"And then I walked out," I continue.

"That's wonderful, James. Really. I suppose now we can add 'tolerance' to that ever growing list of qualities you don't have."

I ignore her and continue like she hadn't said anything. "When I came back, Lily was sitting on the couch ― reading, obviously. I sat down right next to her, and she apologized."

Alice's mouth drops open, and she nods appreciatively. "Wow. Lily apologizing, you doing the right thing with her… This is weird. Hey, where are you going?"

O.o.O

"She won't stop talking about you, you know." Alice throws these words out casually as she leans against the bookshelves, examining Frank Longbottom from afar.

"Good or bad?" I ask, taking the same stance. "I can talk to him if you like."

"Good mostly," she answers with a giant smile. "I'm not sure I trust your relationship skills just yet. We'll see how it works out with Lily, then maybe I'll send you in for positive reinforcement."

I grin broadly. Lily is talking about me. In a mostly positive way. "Do you think I'm ready?" My voice takes on a nervous twinge.

Alice sighs and turns away from Frank. "I think you're as ready as you'll ever be."

"And if she says no?" The voice that comes out of my mouth doesn't sound like mine; it sounds weak and small.

Picking up her bag, Alice shoots me a reassuring smile. "She won't."

I don't feel so confident. So instead of giving it away by saying something like, "I'm not so sure", I nod toward her bag. "I knew that wasn't Faggy McLaggy's."

She laughs and pats my arm comfortingly. "See you around, James."

"Thanks, Alice. For, you know, giving me that prod in the right direction."

As she walks away, she says, "Oh, James, I didn't do a thing."

* * *

><p>AN: The more I look at that title, the more I hate it. So, I'm begging. Review with an idea for a new title! Or just review. Either of those will make me very happy. I hope you guys liked it! Have a wonderful week!

Much Love,

Jessie

P.s. How's the tense treating you guys? Like or dislike?


End file.
